I can't believe I've been on this site as long as I have. I guess I'm due for an update to the ol' journal.

Back in May, Ben and I went to Houston for my ex-husband's sister's wedding, in which I was proud to participate as a bride's maid. It was a beautiful ceremony, although it was pouring down rain. Robin was absolutely gorgeous, and I could not have possibly been more happy for her. It was also nice to get to see Ben.

While we were there, we made the dinner circuit and he got to meet my whole family, pretty much. It seemed as though everybody liked him alright. My baby sister liked him A LOT. Probably because she came with us to Kay Jewelers when Ben was buying me a new pair of (*cough* DIAMOND) ear rings and he also bought her and Tiffany some jewelry as well. What a giving, kind, generous man he is.

I've also been talking with Ben's mom on the phone from time to time. She's a very nice lady and now that the cat's out of the bag, his family is asking him about me constantly. I'm supposed to be heading down to Florida with him in December some time to meet the folks. I've got to say, I've never been more nervous about meeting anyone in my life. I'm sure it won't be as bad as I'm afraid it will be... but we'll just have to see.

It's been pretty much decided that when I graduate next year, I'm packing up and moving to Virginia to move in with Ben... And I'm thinking about a year after that we'll be getting married. If all goes according to plan. I do wish we could be together now, but I have bigger fish to fry...like paying off the rest of my credit cards and finishing my AAS degree and bulking up my savings accounts...So much to do, so little time.

Not much else is going on here. just thought I'd drop in.

Well, Crystal finally quit wow... You'd think I'd just quit too...since she was the only reason I started playing. But I continue... Even though it's a little depressing to know she isn't there, and she isn't going to be there again... I started playing wow because it seemed like the best way to get to "hang out" with my twin sister, and be involved with her and...spend time with her... oh well...

I miss my baby sister too... I miss Crystal and Tiffany more than I miss anyone else at home...

I don't know what to do with myself... I can't be there for them...I'm missing my little sister's childhood... And it's all just so miserably depressing... being alone...

Well, my friends,

I have decided to pursue conversion to Orthodox Judaism. I have been contemplating it for some time, but recently I have made the decision that I want to convert and be Jewish.

It all started when I decided I wanted to understand more about my boyfriend's beliefs, since he's Jewish, because I thought it would be good for our relationship. I didn't initially expect to convert, but once I started reading about it, the more I learned, the more I found myself identifying and understanding the beliefs and principals of Judaism.

So, I went to the Jewish Community Center next door to my apartment complex and tracked down a Rabbi to talk to about this matter. She was very receptive and helpful, loaned me a book to read, and told me to give her a call when I was finished...

So, long story short, I read it, and that was pretty much it for me. I spoke with her again, and told her about how I wanted to pursue Orthodox Judaism, and that weekend, I got out of bed at 8 o'clock Saturday morning and took myself down to the synagogue to attend the Shabbat morning service.

Well, it's a difficult thing for me to describe in words. Normally, when I go into a new situation that I'm not familiar with I'm usually very self-conscious, nervous, apprehensive, etc... but when I walked into the Chabad House, it was nothing like that. I wasn't nervous or self conscious at all. It felt like I was right where I needed to be, and it was a feeling that I've never had in my life before that I can remember, not with Christianity or even with Falun Dafa. I felt right at home, and very comfortable.

So, I am going to soon start going to classes through Chabad... and hopefully begin the long, demanding process of Orthodox Conversion.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that I have finally found where I belong. I feel like I have finally found that piece in my life that has always been missing in my heart. And it's a very, very good feeling.

I am no longer so restless, or depressed. I am content, and I am excited to begin the process and show the Rabbi that I am sincere in my desire to convert to Judaism and observe the mitzvot in the Torah.

Wish me luck! I certainly have a long row to hoe.

Maybe I'm singing this song because
I can't say the words I want to say the most.

The happiness I've dreamed of
is best before it's realized because
If I finally achieve it, I'll be attacked
by my fear of losing it.

So people aren't simple enough
to satisfy me.

Everyone has their wounds,
but sometimes kindness
soaks in. It hurts a lot;
so much that they being to cry.

I'm healed by my loneliness.
I don't want to be alone,
I have you, so
I want to sleep peacefully.

Maybe because someday I'll be able to say
the words I want to, I sing on and on.

Maybe I've come to like this person because
I can't hear the words I want to hear the most.



ROMAJI:


For My Dear...
sakushi: hamasaki ayumi
sakkyoku: hoshino yasuhiko
henkyoku: hoshino yasuhiko

ichiban ni iitai kotoba dake ienakute
kono uta o utatte iru no ka mo shirenai

yume ni mita shiawase wa
tsukamu made ga ichi ban ii
te ni irete shimaeba kondo wa
ushinau kowasa osou kara

da kara tte warikireru kurai
ningen tte kantan demo nai

dare mo ga kizu wo motte
iru kara toki ni yasashisa ga
shimite kite totemo itaku tte
naki dashisou ni nattari suru

samishisa ga jibun o tsukurou
hitori kiri naritakunai kara
watashi ni wa anata ga iru kara
heiki to omotte nemuri ni tsukitai

itsu no hi ka iitai kotoba dake iesou de
uta o utaitsudsukete iku no ka mo shiranai

ichi ban ni kikitai kotoba dake kikenakute
hito o suki ni nattari suru no ka mo shirenai

Well, I am feeling better than I did yesterday...

I finally told Ben about my move...He wasn't exactly mad, but he DID laugh at me for...quite a while. Oh well...

I've gotta get back on my art or something... I never did get around to finishing that new fairy pic or that other pic I drew... and I don't wanna lose my TALENT.

Be warned kids...going for long periods of time without drawing ANYTHING will induce necrosis in your drawing capabilities. I must fight to over come this.

So anyway, my boss wants me to cook up a turkey bird for the Thanksgiving Partay next week...

This gon'be GOOD.